Some of us are natural-born planners. Some of us are natural-born worriers. I am both. Perhaps you, too, are the sort of person who makes lists of criteria and starts calling housekeeping services weeks in advance of when you’ll need them. Or the sort who vets enough babysitters to know whom you will call if your favorite is not available on your birthday. Or the sort who gets an idea to...
I’m sure you have heard of Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. Lots of us have read the book. Others have learned the languages from magazine articles or workshops. If you and your husband or wife share a Love Language, it’s easy to show your love for each other. For the rest of us, there is a giant pitfall you might want to avoid. If you expect your spouse to use your Love...
A reader recently asked me a question, and I expect she’s not the only one asking. I have been watching couples/friends get into arguments they didn’t want to get into, simply because the discussion began on the wrong foot. Instead of asking an open ended question, e.g., “It seems cleaning up after dinner is a task neither of us wants to do. I wonder how we can solve this...
I really want to bring to your attention Dr. Steven Stosny’s excellent blog post on when emotional abuse is more likely to become physical violence. He opens with this great definition. Emotional abuse is deliberately making partners afraid or feel bad about themselves. It’s usually instrumental, to punish or coerce partners into doing something the abusers want or not doing something...
You know that feeling when you feel so generous to your spouse? When everything you do for your spouse or give to your spouse makes you feel even better about your marriage? And that feeling when you take score and wonder if you would be better off if you two just divorced? For example, when your mate was too tired or busy to mow the lawn but still expects you to prepare dinner? Why not take...
