Researchers call it “diffuse physiological arousal.” Therapists call it “flooding.” You start out a little bit angry or anxious. Your stress grows. When it reaches the point called “flooding,” you can no longer think clearly about anything except fight (hurting or stopping the person or thing you are upset about) or flight (getting away, even if just inside...
Help yourself to happier feelings. Tell your spouse about the positive events in your life. Accomplish a goal? Receive an award or promotion? Lose weight? Tell your spouse. Researcher Shelly Gable has found this pays off in increased well-being and a better mood. You can take it to the next level and get greater well-being plus a more satisfying and stable relationship. How? Through active and...
We marry someone who fills our life with sunshine. It feels so good, we cannot help but sing—and say yes. Turn a few calendar pages, and suddenly, it’s a dark day. The sun is almost completely hidden by dark clouds that get our clothes wet and frizzle our hair. Worse yet, it’s the eighth dark day in a row. No tornadoes ripping the roof off. No hurricane knocking the trees over...
I know from personal experience how overwhelming emotions can get when your marriage feels like it’s not working. Before you announce you’ve had it, try this. Make a list of the things you would do after you divorced, other than flirt or find a new sex partner, and do them for three months. Go out for dinner with your friends. Take a trip without your spouse. Learn to dance. Lose...
Once a month, I do a free marriage education teleclass. This is your opportunity to learn a little and ask me just about anything. It usually a small group, so you can expect plenty of personal attention. The topic is announced in advance. On November 9th, the topic will be In-laws, Step-kids, and Holidays. If time allows, we will tackle other topics, based on your questions. I would love to have...
