A new study of commitment in the first 11 years of marriage confirms something I have long believed. “The psychologists recommend against ‘bank-account relationships,’ in which you keep score of how often you get your way and how often you compromise.” They looked at the results of two types of commitment at the start of these 172 marriages: “I really like this...
I could use your help with a problem I have. I need to find someone to rent my timeshare week in Virginia Beach from August 18 through 25, 2012. I always love this week, but this year it conflicts with a family gathering elsewhere. It’s between Atlantic Avenue and the boardwalk, with large windows and a balcony facing the ocean. It includes a bedroom with a big, comfortable, king size bed...
You probably already know what drives me to write this blog and teach my teleclasses. Just in case you don’t, it was getting exactly what I thought I wanted 25 years ago, when my resentment outweighed my love for the man I married, the father of our son. I write and speak to stop you from going after what I thought I wanted. First I wanted him to change. I wanted a fairer division of chores...
Luis said, “Barb, do you think you can find us a babysitter for Valentine’s Day, so I can take you to dinner at La Paz?” A small shudder of annoyance went down Barb’s spine. Luis never seemed to pay any attention to their budget. And he never, ever called any of the sitters himself, even though Barb had entered all of their numbers into his cell phone. Barb said, “I...
The slow and uncertain route to a happy marriage looks like this: Do the things a good wife or a good husband should do. Make sure your spouse knows what you expect him or her to do. Schedule time to talk about your distress when you’re unhappy. If things get tense, make sure you protect your assets and your feelings, just in case there’s a divorce. Always check whether your friend or...
