Five years from now, you will be a different person. You will have different interests, different tastes, different challenges. Date, live together, avoid commitment, and you’ll be free to move on to a partner who shares your new interests, matches your new tastes, helps with your new challenges. That’s the choice of many who were exposed to unhappy marriages or divorce while growing...
On Saturday evening, I watched the CBS made-for-TV movie, Vinegar Hill. I found myself yelling “Assume Love” at the screen many times. The movie’s based on an Oprah Book Club selection by A. Manette Ansay. It opens with a close-knit and cheery family of four packing up in Chicago to move in with his parents on their farm. Ellen and Jake have lost their jobs, and she’ll be...
The folks at Gallup released a poll on Monday about Values and Beliefs. Topping the list of moral acceptability: divorce. Seventy percent rated it morally acceptable. Only twenty-two percent said it was morally unacceptable. But it would be a mistake, I think, to jump to the conclusion that divorce has become no big deal for most of us. At the opposite end of the spectrum of sixteen morality...
The U.S. and Saudi governments are both rolling out Healthy Marriage initiatives. But what a difference! Here in the U.S., a healthy marriage is defined as a mutually beneficial and satisfying relationship between two people with deep respect for each other and the skills to communicate and handle conflict. The initiative involves supporting and strengthening secular and faith-based marriage...
Today is the 35th anniversary of the day I got married. It was a gorgeous Spring day, and we married, surrounded by lilacs in bloom and our closest friends and relatives, in the garden behind Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s Cambridge home. Would we still be married now, if I knew then to Assume Love, Expect Love, and Find Third Alternatives? If we had been able to stay close through those...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
