What if other people find it easier than you to be married “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,” just because the first couple years of their lives were different from yours? “I’ve got your back” sounds reassuring to the majority of people. And not too much to ask in return. They have what we call a Secure Attachment Style. They...
If you don’t want to drift apart or discover you’re only communicating about kids and car maintenance, it’s a good idea to schedule dates with your spouse. Make those dates even better using Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. All five are good for sustaining marriages. One or two of them are so important to your spouse that skipping them leaves an empty feeling. So...
I have written before about how few marriage skills I acquired from growing up with my parents, who were staying together only for the benefit of us kids. Today I want to speak in praise and even awe about my son and daughter-in-law. Theirs is a cross-cultural marriage lived in three very different countries, and they’ve been going strong for 22 years already. Her parents are in an arranged...
Marriage offers some great feelings, not the least of which is orgasm. But there is one even more fabulous feeling. It’s that feeling when you are overwhelmed with admiration, awe, caring, kindness, and gratitude for another human. Your vagus nerve warms your chest. Your eyes widen. Your face softens. All of your selfishness washes away, and you are filled with altruistic thoughts. A...
Recently, I had a stimulating discussion with two highly intelligent and articulate women half my age. One of them introduced me to a new name for having sex with people other than your spouse but with your spouse’s permission: ethical non-monogamy. When I was in high school, swingers was what we called consensual spouses having sex with other partners. They went to sex parties together or...
