When we Assume Love, we do it to help us look for alternate explanations for an upsetting incident. Finding them helps us bounce back emotionally and often grow closer to our spouses. Some things, though, cannot be explained as the acts of a loving person with a sound mind. Among them: Putting your freedom, food, or shelter in jeopardy by committing felony acts, spending more than disposable...
In Daniel Pink’s book, Drive, he reports “an experiment replicated around the world.” It’s a two-player experiment, just like your marriage or life partnership. One player gets $10 and the right to choose how much of it, if any, to share with the other player. The other player decides to accept what’s offered or give all $10 back to the psychologist running the...
Here’s my take on how to enjoy being married. You don’t work on the relationship. You work on enjoying it. Remember when you enjoyed it? Remember when you were thrilled about getting married? Remember those times you felt so close and so in love that you spent half the day thinking of ways to delight your mate? It wasn’t work then, was it? Well, that’s what I mean when I...
I received a wonderful email this morning from a new reader. She had reached out on Tuesday for help with a situation that infuriated her. Things had gone from bad to awful in the course of a couple hours. She sounded very doubtful whether she could bear a lifetime with her man. I explained how to Assume Love. And how to avoid pretending she felt loved when she did not. Today, she wrote...
Give this a try. Tell me what you think of the results. Every day, your husband, wife, or life partner loves you. Some days, it’s easier. Others, it’s a bit harder. When he or she feels misunderstood, needy, or mistreated, it’s a bit harder to love you, but you get loved nonetheless. I am not talking about the feeling of love but the acts of love. These are conscious choices to...
