Tunnel vision is like looking through an empty paper towel roll. You still see things, but you don’t see all of your options. And it will sneak up on you. In my first marriage, I wanted to take ballroom dance classes. We were young. We were invited to many weddings and other events. I bugged my husband to take lessons with me. He was not interested. It wasn’t until after his death at...
I have been thinking a lot lately about all of the friends and loved ones of mine who have died. I’m sure I was annoyed or even really angry at most of them at some point. But this is not what I remember. I remember what they taught me about how to make the world a better place. Some lit up a room with their smiles. They were the same people who showed me how to ask the right questions to...
At first read, a lot of folks think I must be daft to encourage anyone to Assume Love. It sounds like it would let a spouse just walk all over you. I am not the sort of person who lets anyone walk all over me. But I was, for my first 34 years, the sort who unknowingly walked around assuming a few things that robbed me of the great marriage I could have had. When my husband rather abruptly dropped...
People have two big fears about marriage. The first is that they will trust their spouse and then be abandoned, whether literally or in other ways. Those other ways might include infidelity, overly long hours at work or with friends, or silent time in front of a TV or computer. They might also include failure to be supportive in the face of challenging in-laws or children. They worry even when...
A number of marriage therapists suggest couples pay attention to their marriage like a bank account. Don’t make a withdrawal if you have not made enough deposits. The intention is good. The score-keeping seems all wrong. And so does the idea of withdrawals. Is watching football when your wife wants to go furniture shopping together a withdrawal? Or is it just a conflict of interest better...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
