So much of what we do in life has a goal. We convince ourselves we will be happy when we reach the goal. We work hard to get there for as long we believe the goal lies within our reach. When we no longer believe it does, some of us double down and look for a better route to the goal. The rest of us move on to a different goal. We pursue happiness. When we marry, we set the goal of loving each...
You have a disagreement with your spouse or life partner. You want one thing. We will call it Alternative 1. Your mate wants something else. Because I am a stickler for symmetry, we will call it Alternative 2. Alternatives 1 and 2 For example, Alternative 1 might be the toilet paper you grew up with and Alternative 2 might be a new, greener brand your husband or wife prefers. If you two choose...
In answer to a question posed to me today, I think people should know 3 things before they marry: How to find a third alternative to any disagreement, an option that gives each party all they were looking for in their first suggestion without the drawbacks of the other person’s first suggestion, instead of arguing. That what you can expect from marriage is love, not any particular sign of...
Fathers matter so much to their children. If you’re reading this blog, I know you care a lot about your marriage. You have no idea how delighted this makes me. Loving your children’s mother is the number one thing you can do for those kids. We moms often think we know best about raising children, but dads are important because they have different goals and different approaches to...
Sarah posted a comment this morning on my Should I Stay Married for the Kids? post with a really great question. Here is what Sarah wrote: I love the idea that “An expectation is a premeditated resentment”; it has me thinking. On one hand I think it is a great idea, but on the other hand I feel that if we should “Never settle for being a doormat” then we have to have...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
