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Articles from January 2010

January 29, 2010

Prepare Your Daughter to Marry Well

Are you one of those parents who did not have great role models for marriage as you were growing up? Did you have to discover some of the skills for sustaining an intimate relationship on your own? Me, too.

And as you know if you have read my Author page, it took a huge whack upside the head for me to catch on.

So, what would I teach a daughter if I had one still in middle school or high school now, whether straight or Lesbian? Here are some of the key things:

You do not need to teach any of these as marriage lessons. You can teach them to look for Third Alternatives in their disputes with siblings or friends. You can teach them how to build a support network and reach out to it for ideas on meeting all their needs. You can teach them that fair is something to be negotiated, not unilaterally decided. You can teach them to test other assumptions when looking to explain a distressing interaction with anyone. And you can encourage a growth mindset, rather than a fixed one.

As a grandmother of two, I can tell you the benefits of having a happily married child and an open, unthreatened relationship with your grandkids' other parent make it worth whatever extra effort it takes.

January 27, 2010

When You Get Married, You Stay Married

"My mother always said when you get married, you stay married, and she meant that." That's what Verbal Isenhower has to say on the occasion of the 81st anniversary of her marriage to Vern Isenhower.

They married on Jan. 26, 1929. Verbal was 16, Vern was 17, and the two of them had grown up on adjoining farms in Arkansas. Now they live in Louisburg, Kansas.

Happy anniversary, Vern and Verbal. And thanks, Fox 4 in Kansas City, for sharing their story with us.

January 1, 2010

New Year's Resolutions for My Marriage

I have two this year:

  1. Find more creative Third Alternatives when we disagree - We disagree a lot, so I will have lots of opportunity here. A good Third Alternative combines delighting my husband with getting what I want, always a pure delight. I intend to reach out to my creative friends and my readers to come up with even better alternative whenever we think there are just two and we don't agree on either of them.
  2. Finally launch self-study courses on our website - How does this improve my marriage? Well, first it means more income, so we can do more of the things we love doing together. But more importantly, it makes me smile, even gets me dancing around the office, and that delights my husband a whole lot more than any self-sacrificial dish washing or floor scrubbing.

Now I really want to hear from you. Is there anything you intend to do this year to give yourself a stronger, happier relationship with that terrific person you married or pledged your life to? Click on that Comments link and tell us!

The Author

Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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