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Articles from January 2009

January 30, 2009

What Managers Need to Know about Marriage

I will be speaking about managing married employees on Wednesday, February 11, 2009, in Philadelphia. If you are a manager, a supervisor, or a trainer, I promise lots of useful ideas. I hope you will come to this meeting of the Greater Philadelphia Chapter of the American Society for Training and Development (ASTD).

Why should managers care? Because unhappy marriages tank productivity and breakups cost employers money. Because your company secrets and your company's reputation are at stake when execs' marriages go bad. And because there is a lot you can do without prying into employees' personal affairs or turning into their marriage counselors, and all of it will directly benefit job performance.

What do I know about corporate productivity and training? In addition to being a trained marriage educator, I am a Certified Performance Technologist with 34 years of experience working for IBM, J&J, AT&T, Chase Bank, and many other corporations.

The meeting, which includes a buffet dinner, runs from 6:00 to 8:30 PM on Wednesday, February 11, 2009. Join us at the Hilton Garden Inn, 1100 Arch Street, Philadelphia, PA. Save $5.00 by registering before noon on February 10th.

I hope you will introduce yourself at the meeting. I would love to meet you.

January 29, 2009

Did Fireproof Change Your Marriage?

Have you seen the movie Fireproof? It's worth a watch, and it's now out on DVD. It's the story of a couple rediscovering each other and the meaning of commitment through a 40-day "Love Dare" from the husband's father.

If you have seen it, and it has changed your marriage, Gary Chapman, author of the fantastic book The Five Love Languages, is offering you a chance at a great prize. The contest ends February 3, 2009. The grand prize is a trip to one of his conferences with your spouse, plus the book and the DVD of the movie.

Let me know if you win!

January 10, 2009

Assume Love, Stay Happily Married: a Podcast

Want to hear more about how to Assume Love, Expect Love, and Find Third Alternatives? Listen to this podcast, in which I was interviewed by Lee Rosen of Stay Happily Married.

Hats off to Lee for doing so much to discourage business for his North Carolina divorce law practice, and for being a great interviewer.

January 7, 2009

Win Every Argument

It's January. Time for all those post-holiday arguments. You two have different goals for the new year. You have different hurts left over from last year. You have different fears, different challenges ahead. You have different ideas of how important those threats or challenges will be. You have different ideas how to deal with them.

Break out the arguments.

And crank up the stakes. Your spouse may well be the single most important person in your life. If you can't get him or her to agree with you, it feels scary. If you're human, you withdraw from your spouse to reduce the fear or you argue louder to get the agreement you need to feel safe.

So, how do you skip all the usual pain?

Jump sides and, TOGETHER, look for the Third Alternative that gives both of you everything you like about what you're arguing for and nothing of what you're arguing against.

In other words, win every argument, and be a hero to your spouse at the same time.

Here are some past posts on how to find your Third Alternative:
The Third Alternative
Disagreements Turn Into Gifts
Married to a Collector of Stuff? Don't Ask Dr. Phil to Set Him Straight
Weight Gain and Divorce
Three Tips for Getting the Most From Your Marriage
Doing What Your Spouse Doesn't Want You to Do
When Marriage Crumbles
David and Michelle Paige Paterson: What We Can Learn from their Admissions
Round Up the Usual Suspects

Have a great New Year!

January 2, 2009

How to Cheer Your Unemployed Spouse

"Andrew Clark, an economist in France, has recently shown ... if you are unemployed, you will, on average, be happier if your spouse is unemployed, too."

- Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of "The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want," in the NY Times this week.

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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